Lack of confidence is the most concerning problem in the world.

But, most people are unaware that it affects them.

You fail to recognize what you can't perceive.

Tell me if this sounds familiar:You're unsure of where to go next when a challenge enters your life so you start to worry about the outcome(which only makes it worse).Then you're pushed into survival mode(fight or flight) to battle the unseen enemy(the challenge) and now you can't think of how to get past the obstruction.Without warning, you're overtaken with doubt and fear that forces you to abandon the process altogether for fear of failure.Google is no use to you when you can't use your prefrontal cortex (controls reasoning, problem solving, comprehension, impulse-control, creativity and perseverance).If you have ever been talked down to(by yourself or another), you can relate with having your confidence taken down a peg.

When you make that script a habitual program in your head, you embody the notion you're not good enough. There's no foundation for a good confident image to be built on.

This causes 130 people to commit suicide on average per day.Hundreds of millions are depressed, anxious, thrust into survival mode, and losing progress in their lives everyday.Does that sound like a problem to you? 

The issue within the problem

Our society motivates us to seek happiness from what you obtain outside of yourself.

You are conditioned to believe that happiness is found from external regulation, the least desirable form of motivation, to satisfy an external demand (perform well or fail school, do good and get a prize, make your parents proud or disappoint them).

If you're not pushed to deal with your problems for someone else, you might do the task just for the sake of not feeling guilty.

The problem with this is you haven't fully accepted the responsibility as your own, so you work hard to avoid anxiety or maintain your pride.

If you aren't internalizing the effort by putting the blame on someone else, then you don't take the burden of failure when it happens. 

This process of failure becomes a prison you can't escape from.

Claiming failure for your own shows you a path toward your goal instead of turning yourself into a victim of the world.

Motivation that comes from within

The power of inner confidence aligns with your beliefs that what you're doing is right for you, and not to fit into a crowd of pleasure seekers.

You are no longer ruled by someone's values besides your own. The greater purpose is something you're passionate about.

Taking obligations onto your own plate(home, profession, health, finances, relationship, skill) allows you to work at them the same way you would anything that you are competent in.

Finding a system of comparison is a good way to measure the skills of competence in other areas. 

ex. The gym is a place where muscle and strength is built.I use my knowledge as a personal trainer to progress other goals in the best way possible, put a plan into action, then achieve micro goals to make progress towards my macro goal.

Applying your knowledge of how you got from one spot in life to another that you're an expert in now will show you how to move the needle in other areas you desire.

The best path to do this is to allow yourself to fail without shame.

Getting ahead in something that you're skilled at is too easy, you're at the top of the hierarchy so being dominated is nearly impossible. 

Having no ego is the way to succeed through failures by owning your mistakes and achieving new skills without doubting yourself as a whole.You are capable of failure, own that, and you cannot be made to feel guilty for it.

Understanding how your strengths come from your weaknesses

Your inner child knows what you didn't like about different times in your life. You personify it everyday when your inner values don't agree with the situation.

When others values are offended, they react negatively.

You're responsibility is to understand your emotions in any situation, this happens through building a greater self awareness of each moment.

When you are anxious of a situation, your body is impacted by the nerves of what might happen, you are more prone to feeling negative emotions.

If you feel like the situation will go badly, why do you feel that way?Have you had a problem in the past with similar emotions? You are only capable of being so strong, as much as your mind will allow you to be.

Building that strength comes from facing your challenges head on, but that's not where you start.

The best way to make yourself into stronger minded individuals is to first step back from all situations and relax your mind.

You cannot heal from a place of stress and pain.

Escaping fight, flight, freeze, fawn

Survival mode looks different for everyone based on what has worked for you in the past.

Staying in this mode long term will cause symptoms such as:

• Urgency to complete everything

• Avoiding scheduled plans, especially at the last minute

• You feel you have no time to do the things you want to achieve

• Reaction happens instead of response(lack of control of your emotions)

  • ex. someone says something you don't like, so you criticize or defend instead of voicing your concerns assertively

• You're no longer happy, so you withdraw to refrain from losing more of yourself rather than trying to win

• Stress is your #1 word used, you constantly feel unfocused because you're moving from one situation to the next without any peace

The fact is, 100% of us have experienced stress in one way or another.

Some are misfortunate to spending their entire waking moments in stress, which bleeds into sleep causing you to be in a survival mode all the time.

Why does this have anything to do with confidence and building it?

When you're anxious, you can't do anything right in your own mind.

Anxiety is the enemy of confidence.

How to build confidence from the inside out

Working towards motivators that have no tangible value boost your confidence more than anything you could receive from another.

Craving things outside of your control gives you the feeling that you never have enough.

The same happens with intrinsic motivators, but you never run out of drive to chase them.

The 8 step framework for building a more intrinsically motivated confidence:

1. Listen to the one voice that mattersValues are facts of your mind.

Simple strategy to understand your values is to ask yourself the question:

 What do I define as:

• value

• failure

• growth

• purpose

• curiosity

• challenge

The secret is, these intrinsic motivators are determined by you.

Everything else is a currency determined by society, which makes it tangible.

Your mind is not tangible, it is shaped by your unique life experience to desire specific value.

2. Build your own identity

Forcing yourself to shapeshift your personality creates a reputation others expect you to live up to. This surrenders control over your fate.Your authentic self does not chase after gratification from outside for identity.You will reveal your true community by expressing the traits that you decided to care about.

Living for others has nothing to do with your identity, discovering your reasoning shapes you.

3. Take control of your choicesConscious action > unconscious reactionBad choice traits: • complaining• judgmental• resentful Good choice traits: • grateful• curiosity• generous

If you make choices that only seek to further your own goal without regard to others, you are working in the unconscious best interest of you.

Actions that boost others are difficult conscious efforts to delay gratification, but they form relationships that become a two way path of fulfillment.

The expressions of others are a reflection of your choices, following a righteous path will feel good for you and them. 

4. Say no to everything that doesn't align with your values

Most will try to eat up your time with what they want out of life.

Doing what you want to do with your time that is helpful to others is a different value.

If we are chasing a reward from helping others, we are destined to expect that when we don't receive it.

When others don't reciprocate a relationship, their values don't align with yours.

5. Change your self-talk

How many times have you heard someone say "I could never do that"? You close the door on opportunity when you think that.

Reframe it to "How could I get to that level?" when you see an inspiration.

Everything you ever want is achievable, but it takes effort.

Your thoughts guide you, make them take you far.

6. Understand, there are no heroes

You need to save yourself from the depths of your issues because nobody has to accept the consequences of your actions except you.

How? Find inspiration in your heart, you are a wondrous being, I promise.

I have almost given up life 3 times, but my inner-self knew I had a greater purpose.

Being your own hero means accepting that the low points are necessary to develop into the person you were meant to become.

7. Learn by doing

You get feedback from the effort you put in

• practice

• reps

• writing

• teaching

• growing 

Growing your understanding is an artform that can be practiced. The greater your understanding, the more competent you are.

Understanding = Confidence in ability Building understanding = attempts + learning

8. Writing everyday

Writing affirmations, journal, tweets, notes, or any other way of recording your thoughts.

Why does this work?

The practice brings attention to the details you want to improve in your life.

Affirmations - focuses on the goalsJournal - describes your life nowTweets - shares your thoughtsNotes - spreads your feelings

Many areas of the brain are engaged by the writing. The more you write, the sharper your thoughts become.There's nothing quite like discovering your true self after abandoning the reactive primate you used to be. With that, I will end with a quote from Jordan Peterson

Have a great weekend!

Thanson Stevens